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Written by Adam Butz (Registered Clinical Counsellor)
When new clients first enter counselling, it's typically because they’ve identified a challenge or something in their life they wish to change. Whether it be a lack of self-confidence, low mood or increased anxiety, new clients are making a choice to find new ways of approaching a problem. This willingness to make substantial changes is vital in the counselling process, but it is easy to forget how hard change can be.
Before working with a client to create positive changes in their lives, we first have to understand their usual routines. We all create routines, consciously and unconsciously, which can provide a feeling of comfort within the familiar. Our routines may be dull sometimes, but many of us can also gain a sense of safety in knowing what to expect day-to-day. That said, we also know there are aspects of our routine that are not healthy. For some of us, our routines are even holding us back from achieving our goals. It is in this comfort of routine that we are able to justify our actions and tell ourselves, and others, that we are ‘just forgetful’ or ‘don’t know how to start’, or even, ‘it’s fine, I will do it tomorrow’. It is also in these comfortable routines that those same justifications can turn into self-recrimination. Thoughts like ‘I’m not good enough to get that job anyway’ or ‘Why am I so lazy’ take us in and break us down.
So to combat our own triggers and to lay the groundwork for change, we need to be realistic and intentional with our actions. It can be easy to start strong but even easier to taper off. I am sure that you, or someone you know, decided to work out every day, eat healthier, meditate every morning or something similar. These kinds of goals are great, but it will require planning, willpower and fearlessness to jump into them with full force. Unfortunately, many of us do not have the time or energy to maintain a drastic change to our normal routines. We have other priorities and responsibilities that make goals like this not only unrealistic but also set us up for failure and disappointment.
When working with clients on creating lasting change, I like to begin by using three basic rules that can help:
Start with Small Changes You can’t expect yourself to change your whole routine overnight. It will take time and practice, so find smaller goals you can work on and maintain. Like stepping stones to the larger change you wish to see.
Cultivate Flexibility in Your Routine You can’t predict everything, and there is always something that will interrupt best-laid plans. You must be willing and able to make adjustments without feelings of guilt and shame. It’s not easy, but it is necessary to be flexible! Be kind to yourself and willing to try things in new ways.
Celebrate your Successes. It might feel cheesy, or even unearned, but it's very important to acknowledge and even celebrate progress whenever we can. By recognizing your successes no matter how small and viewing yourself in a positive light can help you to feel more confident and motivated to continue.
Written by Adam Butz
Adam Butz (Registered Clinical Counsellor)
Adam specializes in working with individuals and couples with low self-esteem, self-confidence, goal setting, career development, anxiety and depression issues. Adam believes that everyone has the potential to create lasting and positive changes in their life. His goal as a therapist is to support you in moving past feelings of shame and into a place of acceptance.
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